Simpsons Sounds Here is a list of all the Simpsons sounds I have on my web site in alphabetical order. (The sound names are in alphabetical order) Most of these sounds have a short quote to go with them. If it has ... in front or behind it, that means that that is not the whole sound. Anyway, if you have any questions or comments send them to or
"...Are you taping it?... I'll watch it later" - Homer being the father he is.
"...Why is Mr. Burns being so nice to me?... Is he coming on to me?..." - Homer mistaking Mr. Burns' negotiations for turnons. Very very funny!
"...Two wrongs make a right, Lisa!" - Homer settles an argument between Bart and Lisa.
"...Woohoo! four day weekend!" - Homer thinking the plant's threat to fire him if he doesn't come in is a vacation. Very funny!
"...Yeah, but your mom paid for that... doesn't she get your money from you... and I get my money from grease..." - Homer explains where everyones money comes from. Funny
"Hello Marge, Hello Marge..." - Abe, thinking Patty and Selma are both Marge.
"Alcohol is my way of life, and I aim TA keep it!... Come'n Boy, think of a plan..."- Homer telling Wiggum he has a plan to get alcohol back.
"Lisa, Honey, are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again?..."- Lisa tells Homer that ham, bacon, and pork chop all come from the same animal. Funny!
"being a cop is not something that happens overnight, it takes one solid weekend of traing to get that badge..." - A man won't tell chief Wiggum his name
"...Well, that depends on who's a better negotiator, Mr. Burns or me..." - Homer trades his Danish for a doorstop. Really funny!
"Aw, there's only one can of beer left and it's Bart's"- Homer complaining about the last beer.
"Hey, America, you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind, America!" Bart's Pledge of Allegiance.
"(Bart)Hey everybody, Vote for My dad Homer Simpson! If you don't, he'll beat us... (Homer) Why you little... no one's gonna beat ya son... (quietly) You're gonna get such a beating!" - Homer threatening Bart for saying he's gonna beat him. Hilarious!
"Wow, I'll never drink another beer again... BEER HERE... I'll take ten" - Homer Breaking his promise to never drink beer again. Very funny!
"Oh Lisa, you and you're stories, Bart's a vampire, Beer kills brain cell. Now let's go back to that... building... thingie... Where our beds and TV... is" - Homer proves that Lisa is right when she says that beer kills brain cells.
"...What'd he say?... I dunno something about being gay" Lenny and Carl think that Homer said he was gay.
"...Hello Mr. Burns, This is Homer J. Simpson, the Father of the Big quitter, well I'd just like to tell you that I'm a big quitter too, And I quit." - Homer accidentally quits his job. Funny, but it would be better if it was a video, so if anyone has the video, I could really use it. Thanks!
"19... hit me... 20... hit me... 21... hit me... 22... d'oh!" - Homer plays blackjack.
"...You wish to purchase Bonestorm for 99 cents, profit to me, negative 59 dollars. Oh, Oh please take my 59 dollars I don't want it, It's yours! Eh, eh, eh, seeing as how we are unfamiliar with sarcasm, I will now close the register at this point." - Comic book store guy explains to Bart that 99 cents is the rental price. Hilarious!
"... Tell a lie, Tell a lie... Uh because I have a small part in a Broadway Musical, it's not much but it's a start... Bravo..." - Homer comes up with a decent lie.
"...I'm looking for my friend bill, have you seen any bills around here?..." - Wiggum tries to get a bribe out of Homer but Homer doesn't understand his language. Hillarious!
"...Sir you have to let go of the button... Oh, son of a bi--...!" - Mr. Burns accidentally reveals his plans as a vampire.
"...Fiddle-de-de, that will require a tetanus shot..." - Homer can't swear. Very funny.
"...Willie remove all the colored chalk from the classrooms!..." - Skinner instructs Willie to remove all the colored chalk after two indipendant thought alarms.
"I gave my love a chicken, it had no bone... mmm chicken" - Homer gets distracted while singing a song to Marge
"Kids, We're eatn' dinner tonight..." Cletus calling all his kids for dinner.
"Hello, Simthers. You're quite good at turning me on" - Smithers' sound on his computer when he starts it up.
"Here are your messages: You have 30 minutes to move your car, you have 10 minutes, your car has been impounded, your car has been crushed into a cube, you have 30 minutes to move your cube..." - Homer giving Mr. Burns his messages. Hilarious!
"Or you can stay here and we'll have our own dance, Every Simpson dance now..." - Marge tries to convince Lisa to go to the dance.
"...Why you could wake up dead tomorrow! Well, goodnight!" - Homer scares Bart bye telling him about death.Very funny!
"...Literacy programs, preserving our beloved covered bridged, world domination... World Dpmination?!...Oh, that might be a typo... mental note, the girl knows too much" Homer says too much but Lisa is the only who notices. Extremely funny!
"Take this object, but beware it caries a terrible curse!...That's bad...But it comes with a free frugert...that's good!..." - Homer discusses the pros and cons of the talking krusty doll with the magic store guy. Very Funny!
"...Ye can always go, doontoon" - Wille sings 'Downtown' with an accent.
"...The fingers you have used to dial are to fat, to obtain a special dialing wand, Please mash the keypad with you palm now." - The operator says that Homer's fingers are to fat. Funny.
"...Dear Homer I.O.U. one emergancy donut signed Homer..." - Homer writes an IOU to himself. Very, very funny. Not a wv file, au file.
"Hey Bart, according to this magazine, in another million years, man will have an extra finger..." - Lisa tells Bart about what she reads in a magazine.
"If he marries your mother Marge, we'll be brother and sister, and then our kids, they'll be horrible freaks with pink skin, no overbite, and five fingers on each hand..." - Homer tells Marge what he thinks is wrong with his dad marring Marge's mother. Very Funny!
"The sum square routes of any two sides of an Isosceles triangle is equal to square route of the remaining side..." - Homer acting smart. Definitely funny!
"...You mean SHINING... Shhh! you wanna get sued?!" - Willie explains it's the "shinning" not the "shining". Hillarious
"Oh look at me, I'm making people happy, I'm the magical man from Happy land in a gumdrop House on lollipop lane" - Homer Being Sarcastic.
"... Bart Simpson? Ha! The spirited little scamp who twice foiled me evil schemes and sent me to this dank, Urine soaked Hellhole?... Uh, we object to the term urine soaked hellhole when you could have said, peepee- soaked heckhole..." - Sideshow Bob at the hearing. Very funny!
"We're having a free get- acquainted session this weekend... and when is this free resort weekend..." Homer tries to find out more about the free resort weekend. Funny and classic!
"No I'm not, Marge! They're embarrassing me! They're embarassing America! They turned the navy into a floating joke! They ruined all our best names like Bruce and Lance and Julian! Those were the toughest names we had!" Homer complains about gays.
"...Dear Homer I.O.U. one emergancy donut signed Homer..." - Homer writes an IOU to himself. Very, very funny. Not a wv file, au file.
"Zat is some outfit, it makes you look like a homosexual..." - McBain saying everyone is a homosexual.
"...Well replace the word kinda with the word repeatedly, and the word dog with t son" - Lionel Hutz tells Marge that Judge Snider is bad for him.
"...I got this friend named, Joey Jojo junior, Shabado... that's the worst name I've ever heard..." - Homer asks Moe for some advice. Hillarious!
"Now, why do they call this a Urine monkey... uh, ohhh I just found out." - Krusty discovers why they call it a urine monkey.
"Once a man is in your home, anything you do to him is nice and legal... Is that so? Oh, falnders, won't you join me in my kitchen? He, He, He... Uh, it doesn't work if you invite him..." Chief Wiggum tells Homer about the law.
"...Good cause I got a hot date tonight,
"...Well, you're trapped. If you were smarter you could think of something, but you're not, so you just might as well... All right, all right I'll take her. Lousy brain!"- Homer can't think of an Excuse and blames it on his brain. Funny.
"Hey, I have asked you nicely not to mangle my merchandise! you leave me no choice but to ask you nicely again!" - Apu asks Homer nicely not to mangle his merchandise.
"I found a meal between breakfast and brunch" - Homer explains how he won the "Most weight gained trophy.
"...Marge, is Lisa at Camp Granada?" - Homer, after he listens to the song 'Camp Granada' on the answering machine. VERY funny!!
"Stupid TV! Be more funny!" - Homer Bangs on the TV when someone says a joke, the audience laughs, but nobody gets it.
"...Move into the light, my son!..." - Reverend Lovejoy Tells Homer to move in t o th e light in the third dimension, but ends up getting electrocuted. Pretty funny!
"...Homer, you're as dumb as a mule and twice as ugly, if a strange man offers you a ride, I say take it!..." - homer passing on the words of advice his father gave him.
"Dad what's a muppet?... Well, it's not quite a mop, and it's not quite a puppet..." - Homer explains to Lisa what a muppet is.
"... Well, did you ever talk to anyone at the school? Make a few calls on my behalf? Maybe you could have been a "nicer" to Principal Skinner if ya know what I mean..." - Lisa questions Marge why she isn't skipped ahead. Hilarious!
"Homer no function beer well without" - Homer says that without beer he doesn't function well.
"...Well I'm not afraid to tell you, you're a
"I'm thinking of a number between 1 and 50" - Marge guesses the number Homer is thinking of and Marge gets it but Homer pretends she didn't.
"... Don Homer, I baked a special doughnut, just for you... Gracious... Don Homer, My son, he has a trouble wit de a... Eh, eh, eh, eh eh... dats a nica doughnut"- Homer dreams he is a Mafia king being showered with doughnuts.Very Funny.
"I'm going to the outhouse... We don't have an outhouse..." - Homer doesn't want Grampa in the outhouse.
"...Well then, I guess everythings wrapped up in a neat little package! No really I mean that, sorry if it sounded sarcastic!" - Homer tries to be a detective, but obviously not a good one.
"20 dollars, oh I wanted a peanut!..." - Homer's brain explains to Homer how money works.
"...Unless they send us to that horrible planet of the apes! ... That was our planet...!" - Homer goes a little crazy over the planet of the apes.
"... Whadya talkinabout? I doneed peppills tabe suspicious! If I wanna comment onit I'll comment onit! Who's gonna stop me? You Peppil Boy?..." - Lisa, with an addiction to stay- awake tablets. Very funny!
"Homer? Are you planning to hit Ned Flanders over the head with that pipe and take his tickets?... ye.. Nooo" - Homer about to hit Ned Flanders over the head with a pipe and take his tickets.
"... They're dogs, and they're playing poker!..." - Homer, after seeing a frightening picture.
"... It's a pornography store, I was buying pornography.." - Homer makes up the perfect excuse. Really funny!
"... Don't say revenge, don't say revenge!... Uhhh... Revenge?... That's it I'm getting outta here!..." - Homer's brain walks out on him. Funny and classic!
"There's no such thing as Scotchtoberfest!..." - Willie claims that Skinner used him.
"...Isn't there a little Outer in all of us?... infact you might say we just ate Outer and he's in our stomaches right now!... Wait, scratch that one" - Skinner accidentally blows the mysterious cover up of cooking kids.
"Ralf, remember the time you said snugglepuss was outside?..." - Ralf explains that snugglepuss was going to the bathroom.
"So, another friday is upon us. What'll you b doing Smithers? Something gay no doubt?..." - Smithers mistakens burns saying happy gay for homosexual gay.
"Well I guess there's nothing left to do then to kiss my sorry but goodbye... May I sir?" - Smithers offers to kiss Burns' butt. Very good.
"...He's lucky too, cause it's spankin' season, and I got a haankerin' for some spankerin'!" - Barts lucky that he didn't create any mischief of he would get a spankin'.
"Why you son af a
"As you can see, I have created a lemon ball so sour, it can only be safely contained in a magnetic field. The candy known as 77X42 is... Where the hell is the candy?... (with puckered lips) I dunno." - Homer steals the lemon ball.
"... I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to 'speed' around the city, keeping it's 'speed' over 50, and if it's 'speed' dropped, it would explode! I think it was called, 'The bus that couldn't slow down'" - Homer remembers a movie but not the title. Very, very funny!
"You know when I was a boy I really wanted a catcher's mitt but my dad wouldn't get it for me, so held my breath until I passed out and banged my head on the coffee table. The doctor thought I might have brain damage... Dad, what's the point of this story ?... I like stories." - Homer tells Bart how he has brain damage. Very funny!
"...Have you ever seen the sun set at 3 pm?... Aye, once when I was sailing round the arctic..." - Mr. Burns gets a response to a retorical question.
"...Do not attempt sexual relations, for years of tv radiation have left your genitals withered and useless... Well I'll be damned!" - TV announcer tells the truth about tv radiation.
"... And I'm not out of order! You're out of order! The whole freakin system is out of order! You want the truth? You want the Truth? You can't handle the truth! Cause when you reach over and put you're hand into a pile of goo, that used to be your best friend's face, you'll know what to do!..." - Homer steps out of line. Hilarious!!
"...You want the truth? You can't handle the truth! No truth handler you! Bah! I derive you're truth handling abilities!..." - Sideshow Bob doesn't believe that Bart and Lisa can handle the truth. Hilarious!
"TV sucks!... I know you're mad so I'll pretend you didn't say that!" - Homer doesn't belive that Bart thinks that TV sucks.
"Marge it takes two to lie, one to lie and one to listen!" - Homer tells marge how to lie
"...Then why am I here?...cause the streets of capitol City are no place for three unescorted ladies... then why are the kids here?...cause we couldn't find grampa to sit for them... then why is grampa here..." - Everyone is going to visit Armen Tamzarian in Capitol City. Really good sound!
"...My God man! I've watered it down as far as she'll go..." - Skinner tells Willie to water down the punch put Willie says he cant because it's watered down as much as it can be. Very, very funny!
"...weaseling out of things is what seperates us from the animals! 'Cept the weasel." - Homer encourages Bart to weasel out of the Boy Scouts.
"...Websters dictionary describes a wedding as, 'The process of removing weeds from one's garden." - Homer looks up 'weeding' in the dictionary instead of 'wedding'.
"Don't feel bad far loosin'..." - Willie wrestles down a wolf and then gives him reassurance.
"...Dad, you killed the zombie Flanders!...He was a zombie?" - Homer kills the zombie Flanders thinking it was actually Falnders.